I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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