I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
