My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
