We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
