Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
