ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
