I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
