just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
