I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
