ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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