so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
