I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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