im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
