I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
