It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
