I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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