If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
