I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
