Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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