i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
