onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
