I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
