How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
