Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
