He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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