i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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