If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
