I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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