Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
