Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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