is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
