hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
