Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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