Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
