also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
