The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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