I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
