I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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