last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
