I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
