first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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