Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
