dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
