I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
