If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
