I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
