Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
