is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
