Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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