I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
