Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
how does that bad decision feel?
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